In response to the email we received this morning from our thoroughly overworked engineering department, I decided to go outside of the confines of RCS membership and ask for help. I wrote a letter to NASA. Here it is:
First off, way to go at inventing TANG. As far as we here at the Rubber Chicken Society know, it’s still the number 1 choice in grandma purchased space-related drinks. You guys DID that! Applause.
I’m writing you today to let you know that American adults are entering the space race. An alert reader of our blog (www.rubberchickensociety.wordpress.com) posted a link with this headline: School Science Students Send Rubber Chicken Into Space Wearing Knitted Astronaut Suit: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2133069/Rubber-chicken-space-School-science-pupils-send-weirdest-astronaut-edge-atmosphere-knitted-NASA-suit.html. These “children” are obviously having a go at the American adult. “American adults,” they are saying, “Look at us! We can launch shit into almost space, and what can you guys do? Drink legally? Is that all you got??? HAHAHAHAHAHA.” We at the RCS are not prepared to take this insult to our space-launching abilities lying down, and NEITHER SHOULD YOU. We are currently designing a ROCKET-SHIP to combat the stupid balloon these kids launched. And we need you, NASA (the certified world experts on rocket-ships) to help.
You can read all about our declaration of war here: http://rubberchickensociety.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/the-rcs-enters-the-space-race/. And you can check out our SUPER PLAN here: http://rubberchickensociety.wordpress.com/2012/04/25/rebellion-in-the-ranks-the-rcs-engineering-department-responds/.
At this point you’re probably saying to yourself: “Yes, this is a totally worthy cause. Children don’t have the monopoly on sending stuff into space. I, too, want to send a rubber chicken (especially one dressed like Khan from Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan – which is WAY COOLER than a stupid grandma knitted astronaut suit) into space. But what can I do?” The answer is simple: tell us how to build a rocket that will perform the specified duty of a chicken launch, and tell us how to make rocket fuel. If you do, we’ll invite you out on the day we do the launch, fill you full of hot dogs and beer, and call you The Awesome Wonks From NASA all day long. There could also be a t-shirt for you in this.
Thanks in advance, NASA, for your support. Keep on rockin’!
The Rubber Chicken Society
(Johnny Spot – RCS Press Representative)
It says on their website that it can take 10-15 business days for them to respond. If you’d like to help the RCS in its NASA recruitment project, send them an email: firstname.lastname@example.org. I’m sure they’d love to hear from you!